Gay Playground in Puerto Vallarta

Where the hot gays stay and play

By Wendy S. Liu

The snapshot resembles a casting call for Chippendale Goes to the Beach: a sea of nearly perfect uninhibited male specimen, tan and hairless, lounging in their barely there skivvies on the Mexican sand flaunting their prized results from years of dedication and torture at the gym.

In Puerto Vallarta’s lively area of Olas Altas, think Greenwich Village, is a conspicuous playground for the gay community, prominently Americans and Canadians. The beach, restaurants, cafes, clubs, and shops cater to this flamboyant lifestyle in a comfortable and relaxed setting in the Zona Romantica or Romantic Zone of Puerto Vallarta.

Playa los Muertos is the busy gay beach where action takes place before the late wild partying gets rolling before dark. Blue Chairs Resort by the Sea, in the heart of the gay zone and directly on the beach front, is the most popular and trendy hotel and hangout with its elegant and contemporary neatly lined blue and steel chaises on the sand. Here, skimpily clad men congregate to relax, enjoy the camaraderie of others, meet new friends, and rekindle or find romantic passion all while basking under the warm tropical sun. For the true Queen in you, reserve in advance and the full size canopy bed with curtains overlooking the Pacific Ocean is yours to luxuriate.

For lunch, order the fresh and delicious shrimp ceviche and it will be brought to you by attentive servers who scour the beach making sure guests are well taken cared of with food, drink, chaise and towel.

Unrelated to the resort along with many Mexican vendors on the beach hawking their ware, there is a sun block application service available. In the name of sun protection, he is geared up with a loaded fanny pack of lotions and potions and carrying on his back a tank of sun block with an attached hose. For $15, he gingerly applies and massages in several step with various products starting off with a coco butter moisturizer ensuring an even and beautiful tan without burn to his gay male customers or anyone who feels incapable of the task. He eventually works up to the sun block and lastly a sealant. One wonders why an adult male couldn’t easily apply sun screen on himself but this is a gay beach and which hot blooded gay male wouldn’t like to be caressed, even for an exorbitant fee, by a hot Latino?

If you are getting pretty comfy with the convenience of beach side shopping, try the “take a photo with a drag queen” service.  A cross-dressed man prances in trendy feminine fashion offering her/him for photo ops. It’s probably a more memorable souvenir than your-name-on-a-rice-in- the-tiny-bottle trick.

The pièce de résistance of purchase is a US$70 ticket to the Sunset Party Cruise. Three sizzling hot young stallions with Calvin Klein model physique donning small red Speedos jovially sell the sexy party, the sexy lifestyle, and hopefully a romance if not at least a sexy wild holiday fling. Just the look of them is enough without having to endure the sales pitch of what they are selling: Sex. This four hour excursion on a two-story boat takes you on a beautiful cruise admiring the stunning scenery of Los Arcos, tropical beaches, wild mountains, and perhaps a chance encounter with some dolphins and whales frolicking in the ocean. But let’s be honest, who is really paying attention to palm trees and sea turtles when amidst a land of natural beauties: almost naked hot men! Included in the price are unlimited beer, an open bar and a buffet of snacks to keep up your stamina for hours of shameless flirting, cavorting, and dirty dancing with professional dancers who will gyrate with you from a live DJ’s tunes. The Vallarta Sunset Party Cruise leaves Wednesdays at 4:30 PM from Los Muertos Pier which is only 2 blocks from the Gay beach at the Blue Chairs. A water taxi service is included to drop you back for your continued wild and crazy night.

There is no better backdrop than a romantic sunset during cocktail hour. If crazy orgy is not your thing and a more mellow outing is your cup of tea, go visit Blue Chair’s rooftop to enjoy a drink while watching the fabulous “Dirty Bitches”, a hilarious and entertaining drag queen show performing twice weekly or other scheduled entertainment such as Bingo games and theme nights.

Simultaneously, gay hotel for men, Vallarta Cora’s hot tub is looking like men soup. No holds barred in the energy and passion department. 

For dinner, lesbian owned Apache’s Martini Bar and Bistro is a crowded and popular meeting place but be sure to arrive earlier to snag a table at the sidewalk café. Food is nothing to write home about but one comes here to meet and greet and of course, to sample the wide selection of martinis available.

For a more subdued and sophisticated ambience to pick up perhaps an older sugar daddy, try Aria Piano Lounge. Like the name suggests, there is live piano music and the crowd is calmer. It is an ideal place for lovers or for a more intimate setting for conversations.

No gay lifestyle is complete without a visit to a gay night club. The most happening and largest best gay club is Mañana, named probably because you’ll see each other the next day or wake up with a lover the next morning. This dance club closes at 6 AM in the early morning. Two male go-go dancers with what else, barely there undies and boots, gyrate with seductive moves on podiums. One can either stand aside from the dance floor to ogle and drool or join the fun to boogie the night away to techno music. Table seating is out on the patio and a bar rests inside a covered loggia. There is also a separate room with more music and dancing should you prefer to be indoors or need a bit more privacy with your newfound partner. The stage is for a drag Queen beauty contest or whatever other entertainment is going on. When the stage is empty, needless to say, it is an extra dance floor for the exhibitionists.  Go check out this absolute hot spot where all the men are basically topless. Yes, it is warm in Mexico and dancing is perspiration induced, however it is the gay culture to be always topless if possible to show off those incredible six pack and washboard abs. It is a definite eye candy for men and women as it is a sea of male lust. FYI, women are allowed however they are only a handful at best.

All good things much eventually come to an end or at least take a break. Café de Olla serves this delicious café de olla which is Mexican cinnamon coffee. It is fragrant and tasty which is a great energizer and a pick-me-upper. No pun intended! The food is also very good which is why there is many times a long line to the restaurant/café.

It is always reassuring and safe when one can be who they truly are at heart without judgment and fear. This romantic and beautiful place in the Mexican Riviera allows that openness and is conducive to expressing one’s sexuality. It brings out the “animal” in you.

www.hotelbluechairs.com

www.pvsunsetpartycruise.com

www.vallartacora.com

Apache’s Martini Bar and Bistro
Olas Altas 439, Puerto Vallarata

Aria Piano Lounge
Pino Suarez 201, Puerto Vallarta

www.elclubmanana.com

Cafe de Olla
Basilio Badillo 168, Puerto Vallarta

Photos by Wendy S. Liu