29th ANNUAL HELL-HATH-NO-FURY
LADIES' STATE CHILI COOK-OFF
Get Your Wooden Spoons Poised in
Luckenbach, Texas
by Autumn Rhea
 If you're looking for some upright small town, hometown
good-old-boy grandma styled cooking and musical entertainment, Luckenbach,
Texas is just the place to ease your city-fied mind and remind you of what
really matters - chili, Lone Star beer and a few chords on that 20-year old
fiddle. There's a blacksmith shop, post
office, beer joint, dance hall and a cotton gin, situated on ten acres.
The 29th Annual Hell-Hath-No-Fury Chili Cook-Off went
off without a hitch in Luckenbach, Texas, in the tiny hill country
"town" (population 3), located a few miles outside of Fredericksburg.
This competitive festival has been happening since 1970, on the first weekend
of October, and has grown in popularity over the years. Hondo Crouch,
self-proclaimed mayor and founder of the infamous event, claims he started the
women's cook-off after the Chilympiad in San Marcos excluded women by only
allowing men to cook in their contest. Crouch explained it as: "A women's cookin' contest where you make
one little lady happy and 500 mad!"
 This year's event comprised of several events, including
a parade, armadillo races, a "Girlie Man" beauty contest, horseshoe,
washer pitching and domino tournaments, music from Jimmy Lee Jones, Part of the
Problem, Gary P. Nunn and the Bunkhouse Band and Maggie Montgomery at the Chili
Ball and over 100 ladies' teams competed for the ultimate in chili cook-off
titles.
 The teams included a variety of themes and stretches of
the imagination and tastebuds and tongues were burning by the day's end from sampling
the broad selection from the chili menu. The "Uptown Chili" team provided a china-decorated table with
the finest tea cups in the south for
slurping down their chili concoction. Another adventurous team was the Mardi Gras group, who offered tasteful
temporary tattoos and free dances with the men dressed as women. There were
chances to win fancy necklaces after throwing plastic vegetables into a pot and
even opportunities to dance a jig with the team of "Cha-Cha Chili"
makers.
 After the chili events wound down, the locals and
tourists prepared for the Chili Ball, with headlining band, Gary P. Nunn. The
freshly swept floor was primed for the Texas Two-Step dance and couples, as
well as kids, swarmed the floor to show off their version of the dance. There
were bragging contests on who could do the most spins as Gary P. Nunn played
his most famous song, "I Want to Go Home to the Armadillo" and even
convinced the audience to place their hands on the hearts for the National
Anthem. A barefoot man in a blue
Hawaiian shirt gracefully guided his dance partner along the floor, next to
another proud Luckenbach visitor, sporting a hat with a flowing peacock
feather. Everyone smiled and said thank you and welcomed you warmly into their
dance hall. Sheriff Marge posed for a photo and explained how long she's been
looking out for the town's best interest. "I've been sheriff for about
twenty years." Marge even has her own T-shirt, featuring her bold smile
and the town's theme "Everybody's Somebody in Luckenbach." Her 65th
surprise birthday party is scheduled for November 13th. (Shhh!!)
Wilderness camping is available to those who purchase a
$10 dance ticket, and kids under 12 are awarded free admission. Campfire
sing-alongs until the early morning hours are a regular occurrence. Arts and
Crafts booth space is available for $25 or 15% of the total sales.
If you missed the Chili Cook-Off, there are several
other events to give you a reason to visit. Every weekend, there are pickers
circles at the Luckenbach post office/bar, with no definite time frame, except
that they are over around "dark-thirty." Upcoming events include the Halloween Ball and costume Contest
with Monte Montgomery on October 30, Sheriff Marge's 65th Surpass Birthday
Party on November 13, a Thanksgiving Dance with Don Walser on November 27 and
the Christmas Ball with Gary P. Nunn on December 26. And don't forget that every Fourth-of-July Willie Nelson holds
his annual picnic, where its population explodes from three to 15,000 in one
firecracking weekend.
Check out the calendar of events, get directions or just
feel the simplistic Luckenbach vibe via the internet.
Just remember, Sheriff Marge means business with her dress code law - women
can't wear halter tops and men must wear shirts in her town.
Luckenbach, Texas Inc.
412 Luckenbach Town Loop
Fredericksburg, Texas 78624
(830) 997-3224
(830) 997-1024 - Fax
http://www.luckenbachtexas.com
You can also subscribe to the "Luchenbach
Moon" - the monthly local "newspaper" for $15 per year in the
USA, $25 per year in Canada and $35 for an international subscription. Just call the above phone number.
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