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A Wedding Planner For GuysTo the uninitiated (and here, for the most part, I mean guys) the whole decision making process pretty much ends with the decision as to WHO to marry. You pop the question; she says 'Yes!' The hard part is done. Not. Man's reptilian thought processes are linear: we start at Point A and go directly to Point B. And stop. By the time a guy reaches Point B, he's naturally exhausted. About all he is able to do is crash on the Lazy-Boy, grab the clicker and pop a brew. Unfortunately for him, the instant his betrothed reaches that same Point B (having attained in the process, a velocity far in excess of the speed of light), a star burst effect takes place. Picture a giant firework display on a clear summer night, pinpoints of light streaks off in all directions. Unbeknownst to him, each of those little points of light represents a question that will have to be answered, a decision that will have to be made or a problem that will have to be resolved before the ceremony can take place. Dozens of choices, hundreds of alternatives and far more trick questions than the normal (?) male brain can be expected to process. This is a scenario destined for disaster. But luckily you are reading this: pay attention and Uncle Joel will learn you how to take that first step toward matrimonial bliss. Seize the moment: you've asked; she's replied in the affirmative; things are all warm and fuzzy. This is the time to act! Remember the fireworks.... before she can focus on any one of those little lights, look into her eyes and say, "I've always dreamed about us getting married on the Vineyard. What do you think?" Memorize those words, burn them into you mind. Practice saying them without blinking; a tear would be very good, too. Even if you have never been to Martha's Vineyard, those words are your mantra. Forget the boyhood fantasies about eloping to Vegas.
Trust me. She's not going to buy into getting tandem lap dances by the blond
twins you saw on the Playboy Channel.
That's all you have to do. When you get to the island to check Atria out, you'll meet with Greer Boyle, Atria's wedding coordinator, who will help with all the necessary arrangement for a wonderful event. From this moment on, all you have to do is say "yes" or "whatever you think will be best" to any question put to you about the wedding. You've done your manly job; no more hunting and gathering for a while. Flop back on your recliner; down that brew. Have a great wedding! If Cupid is nearby: Edited by Dave Shultz |
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TM
When
she asks "Where on the Vineyard?" just say, "I've been thinking about Atria,
that really famous restaurant in Edgartown where all the stars go. It's been
written up in all the travel magazines, won awards from Wine Spectator
Magazine, got rave reviews from the Boston Globe's food critic and was just
voted Best of Boston '04."