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I Survived an ALASKAN FISHING LODGE

By Madelyn Miller

None of my friends thought I could do it.

In fact, most of them wondered why I was doing it.

Crystal Creek Lodge was great and the people who own it and the guides are fantastic. I liked almost everything about it.

Except the fishing!

I was told I was the only one who has ever gone there and not caught a fish.

I do not plan to try again.

There or anywhere else!

I just don’t get why people like to stand in freezing water and risk bears and then catch and release the fish. Makes no sense to me.

But all the other guests were ecstatic every moment.

The trip did start off badly, in that I was routed in such a way that it took me two days to get there.

My luggage was lost on the first segment Dallas to Denver.

So I had no clean underwear when I arrived in Seattle ..or for the next three days (this may be more than you want to know).

The airline did pay for a pair of men’s boxer shorts with bears on them.

And the lodge gave me long underwear and a T-shirt.

Anyway….Here are a few excerpts from the I TOLD YOU SO!  ADVICE I GOT FROM FRIENDS...

I think Kevin should win the only-slightly-worn bear boxer shorts.

Oh boy have you done it now....do you even know what they are referring to when they say they have plenty of flys (no they do not mean those on the front of mens trousers). When they say to bring a head net...they are not referring to a vintage '40s veil, and when they say rain parka they do not mean one of your pink vinyl '60s raincoats with matching clear vinyl umbrella.  This is a hunting lodge...they even recommend that you bring plenty of chewing tobacco to share with friends...when they say they have a spa...they mean a hot tub....and the massage is a "chair" massage set up in the middle of the lodge!  First class mail takes 14 days to get there....and your cell phone won't work.  This is a perfect trip for David and me but WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

oh well you will be a much more "rounded" person for it....(remember there is ABSOLUTELY NO SHOPPING FOR HUNDREDS OF MILES)...but be sure to bring us some of the salmon that you catch or check to see if they have any bear or moose meat mincemeat...I've used the last of my supply.  David asks that you see if they have any natural spruce gum...if they are really wilderness people they will know what you are talking about...(but remember that David grew up in the wilds of northern Maine, also hundreds of miles from any shopping).  Love you, -Kevin....p.s.  don't FEED the BEARS

We expect you'll return with a bearskin coat from the bear you killed with only teeth, nails and brute strength.
Fondly,    Diane

Think of it as a weight loss plan by way of MILLIONS OF BLOOD SUCKING MOSQUITOS
John

Send me instead!!!!!!
Regards,
Kathyt

You are a very funny girl, and you will probably survive a week in the wilderness. How the wilderness fares is another issue....
Brooke

Hey Lady
don't forget to take the cosmetic bag.
How nice to hear from you ... have fun and wear pretty clothes.
One love,
Mark
ANTTHONYtm   (he is a California-based clothing designer)

Just be sure to keep you mukluks dry at night.
Warmest place to sleep is with the sled dogs.
Hope you're not tired of chewing blubber snacks and swatting mosquitoes yet.
John

Didn't you know that Alaska is the best place to find a hunk??? 
There is always a silver lining...
Cheers,
Winnie

Exactly what could you have been thinking? Is this a midlife crisis? Or will it soon be?
Martha

hey, Alaska has great odds as far as men go--altho there is a saying about the odds being great, but the goods being odd, or somesuch. Consider yourself forewarned. ;-)
Katie

Maybe it's the grizzlies who will have the gourmet festival.
Joyce   (when I accepted the trip, I thought it was a food festival)

a WONDERFUL opportunity to let go of clutter and rediscover the real you. release & go with the flow. Alaska is beautiful
don't be a wuss --- it'll be a wonderful experience.
Eye

if I know you, you'll "tame" this wilderness in less than 5 minutes...or you'll make it even "wilder"!!
ange

Why stress yourself?   I will go in your place.  I could use a few days without telephones or television. Of course I can't write so you will have to be my "ghost writer"  Where in Alaska are we going? Sounds like fun Dillingham is a great salmon fishing area. Bring back some smoked salmon. I'll trade you for lunch.
Denis  (my stockbroker)

How did you end up on a wilderness trip??  Somehow I can't picture it.  Well, you made it in Switzerland skiing.
Valerie

I want to hear all about it Madelyn style!!!!!!!!!
Dana

Hope you write a funny article -- princess camping.  Probably doesn't have toilets either.  I can't wait to hear about it.
Tracy

WHAT I TOLD MY HOSTS BEFORE I ARRIVED

I'm looking forward to my first trip to Alaska and all my friends and fellow writers are dying of jealousy.

I, however, am more of an indoor girl, so much of this is new to me.
I am looking forward to visiting the Eskimo villages and wildlife Parks and the gourmet experience.

I tried fly fishing once in Finland, and all the other fishers quickly ran to the other pier
The fish didn't like me any better, either.

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