British Virgin Islands
By Paul E. Kandarian
 If
you’ve got nothing to do, doing it on the best damn beach in the entire
sun-splashed chain of the British Virgin Islands is where you want to do it.
Welcome to Guana Island
www.guana.com, home to the sparkling sugar sand of White Bay Beach, a short
stretch of shore that Caribbean Travel & Leisure magazine once called “The best
beach in the BVI.”
 As
we lay here quaffing Corona from the private island’s nearby bar, watching
pelicans dive for food, boats bobbing gently in the harbor, crystalline-green
water warm at our feet, we’d be hard pressed to argue the point.
And the point is that here, you can do as little (lay down,
sun bathe, drink beer) or as much (snorkeling, scuba diving, mountain climbing,
cave spelunking - just mind the bats) as you’d like.
 In
fact, that’s pretty much the case in all the BVI. It lacks – and blessedly so
for those seeking pure rest and relaxation – the glitz and glamour of the
American Virgin Islands. Here you’ll find no high rises, no casinos, no
over-the-top partying until dawn, and as a result, no massive crowds.
 From
the total isolation of Guana Island, reportedly the oldest resort island in the
Caribbean, to the multifuntastic Bitter End Yacht Club on Virgin Gorda to the
mountainside Arundel Villa Resorts overlooking Cane Garden Bay on Tortola where
Jimmy Buffet found his lyrical cheeseburger in paradise, this is the high-end of
some of the BVI’s most posh destinations.
 Our
journey began on Guana Island, a private resort property owned by Henry and
Gloria Jarecki of New York City, who also own Norman Island, where the only
thing you’ll find is the immensely popular Pirate’s Bight restaurant and bar
(Norman Island was the inspiration for Robert Louis Stevenson’s classic
“Treasure Island”).
 Guana
is 850 acres of tropical forest and magnificent views from eight very private
white-washed cottages that dot the hillsides. Each is named for an island in the
Caribbean; ours was Eleuthera, straddling the spine of one hill and affording us
sightlines of Muskmelon Bay to the left, Long Man’s Point to the right, the
American Virgin Islands twinkling in the distance.
 Even
the view from a bathroom door that opens to the outside is better than most
places you’ll stay in the Caribbean, with White Bay Beach right below, and
bougainvillea, Pride of Barbados and other floral delights framing the doorway.
 The
most private dwelling is North Beach Cottage, an airy and open affair set on the
ocean that gently washes under its deck (complete with hot tub). North Beach is
very popular with newlyweds, says island general manager Jason Goldberg. Meals
can be made here (or delivered from the island’s clubhouse) and many are the
love-struck couples who come for a week and never leave the cottage until
check-out time.
 Guana,
started as a resort by the Bigelow family and bought by the Jareckis about 25
years ago, is fantastically isolated and richly appointed. The clubhouse is
where meals are served, which one night consisted of creamy spinach soup,
crunchy duck, pan-fried flounder with spicy pineapple salsa and a view of an
explosively red sunset that almost made you forget how great the food was.
 Outside
the clubhouse, you can laze in Adirondack chairs and drink in the dizzying view
of White Bay Beach far below, one of eight beaches on the island. But don’t sit
long. Have Goldman take you via golf cart to see the entire island - and Dr.
Liao, the island’s resident orchardist who lovingly lords over the island’s lush
organic vegetable and exotic flower gardens.
 The
elderly doctor, tiny, ever smiling and Mr. Myagi cute, sings to his fruit – no
kidding – and this day, as he happily hacked open coconuts so we could sip the
fresh milk, he sang us his gently lilting “Papaya Song.” The man clearly loves
his science and indeed Guana– reportedly with more species of flora and fauna
than any island in the West Indies – is closed two months of the year to allow
scientists from the world to do research.
 Our
first night, we took a one-hour boat ride to Norman Island to eat, drink and be
merry in equal doses at Pirate’s Bight where boaters dock to debauch on a grand
scale, the evening accelerating from rowdy to raucous with non-stop delivery of
trays bearing shots of all alcoholic stripe.
 The
next day, we stopped at Scrub Island, a high-end resort under construction by
Mainsail Development Group
www.mainsailbvi.com with luxury homes selling upwards of $3 million
each.
But with superb views of Sir Francis Drake Channel and the
Caribbean, with Virgin Gorda, Cooper Island and others looming nearby, it’s well
worth the price tag.
 Our
next two nights were spent at Arundel Villa Resorts (www.cvillas.com/bvi/arundel/)
on Tortola – three walkway-connected pavilions boating four suites and one
spacious guest house - that is only an hour’s harrowing ride away, thusly so
because of its location on a steep hillside overlooking Cane Garden Bay (where
famous vagabond Buffet penned his ode to paradise’s cheeseburger), accessible by
a series of narrow, rutted switchbacks.
 Word
of advice: Hire the expert taxi services of Tobin (tobintaxiservice@yahoo.com),
a six-foot-nine mountain of a man who fills most of the driver’s seat. The
gentle giant is affable, knowledgeable and quick witted. When I asked why the
innumerable tiny bars on Tortola seem to be constantly packed, he tapped his
head, smiled and said “If you put a beautiful woman behind the bar, the men will
come.” Island wisdom at its finest.
 Arundel
owner Peter E.M. Willard jokes about the rocky ride into his posh place that,
“the trip makes the destination all the more worthwhile,” and that’s
understating it. The hillside villa affords some of the most fantastic views
you’ll find anywhere in the BVI, with a sweeping vista dotted by more than a
dozen islands.
 The
complete villa includes a spectacular central clubhouse were meals are served,
adjacent to a swimming pool, hot tub and a 1,300-square-foot marble-mahogany
deck. Sunsets are served nightly, a transcendental experience that’s absolutely
riveting.
 The
suites are open and accommodating and the private guest house is spectacular,
furnished in Asian motif, and with a giant, four-poster Balinese bamboo bed,
situated to face the bay. Throughout the main house that centers the villa where
guests gather is a fully stocked bar, gourmet kitchen and baby grand piano, all
at your disposal.
Digs this gorgeous might make it easy to stay home and
lounge, but do get out to see Tortola, the BVI’s main island, particularly the
capital of Road Town.
 Shopping
is good here, but don’t get too bogged down by it.
Better to take a fast boat ride over to Virgin Gorda, the
BVI’s second-largest island (Tortola is first), and home to one of the most
fantastic natural formations on the planet:
 The
Baths, a geologic wonderland of hidden caves and swirling seawater pools that
you can climb into, swim under and crawl through. It definitely brings out the
kid in you.
www.b-v-i.com/baths.htm
 One
of the finest dining spots on Tortola has to be the Sugar Mill Restaurant
www.sugarmillhotel.com/restaurant in Little Apple Bay, site of the Sugar
Mill Hotel. The main dining room was once the boiling house for the old rum
distillery located here. The restaurant’s fare includes fork-tender filet mignon
and fish that, if it were any fresher, would be flopping on the plate.
 Also
a must-eat stop is Pusser’s, fabled for its fine fare and fabulous rum. Try the
legendary Painkiller, a potent potable that is served in strengths of two, three
and four ounces of rum. You get to keep the painted metal mug in which it’s
served as evidence you survived it.
 Have
Tobin take you by the Call Wood Distillery in Cane Garden Bay, a delightfully
dilapidated distillery reportedly 500 years old…or 300, perhaps in the middle.
Time loses meaning on the island and here it stands still, the distillery’s
“store,” such as it is, consisting of ancient counter, old casks upon which to
sit, dirty stone walls and a perforated roof. Kervan is the man working here and
advises the brown Arundel Rum, which I sample and find it an eye-popping thermal
adventure, a small shot creeping hotly toward my belly. Brown rum is better,
Kervan says, because “clear rum will knock you out faster.” Again, that island
wisdom.
 Also
not to be missed is a trip to the Bitter End Yacht Club on Virgin Gorda
www.beyc.com ; though part of the island, it’s
accessible only by boat since the roads to it aren’t really roads, more like
challenges to motorized vehicles. This is a pampering kind of place, with a club
fleet of over 100 boats, skips and day sailers at your disposal, spas, and
thatched beachfront villas with wrap-around verandas, hammocks and unobstructed
sea views.
 There
is constant live music, a massive, open and airy bar, and silky smooth beaches
on which to lounge. It is upscale all the way and understandable why Travel and
Leisure once included Bitter End on its list of the top 500 Greatest Hotels in
the World.
You want no-rush, high-end, first-class treatment in the
BVI, these are the places to see. Forget your watch, you’re on island time. The
drinks are cold, the water is warm, so go with the slow, man, you’ve got nothing
to do but nothing…
PHOTOS BY Paul E. Kandarian |
