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The Lost Traveler

By Roz Plotzker

To get to paradise, go to Atlanta, to the international airport. From there, take a flight to Tokyo. Go to the duty free in between your flight transfer and pick up a digital cellular camera-telephone-satellite-fax-machine-travel-mug; everyone in Japan has one, but you can fit up to 3 in your wallet. Trust me, soon you won’t be able to live without it.

Hop on the next plane to Bangkok. From there it’s just a local plane to Ko Samui, ferry ride to the next island out, and 2 pick-up trucks later you are ready to get on the boat taxi that takes you to a 100 yards of perfect white sand hugged by palm covered hills that protect the beach, the beach, from roads that would make this place easy-access.

Bottle Beach on the north shore of Ko Phangan – an island in the gulf of Thailand that turns into an all out rave for the monthly full moon party – is speckled with bungalows that recede away from the water into the shade of the palms before the land ascends. All day beautiful visitors, who have miraculously perfect teeth, laze on tie-dyed hammocks in between games of volleyball or backgammon. There is no Internet. There is no phone. There is no electricity until after six. It’s amazing they have a clock, or time for that matter, but both go unnoticed.

At night, the happy slapdash gang of travelers spend hours eating dinner at the Smile Resort where everything is delicious. After my fourth smile shake, i.e. coconut with snickers bars, I had found the meaning of existence. My blender and I are still working on a generic version of the ambrosia. It’s just about ready for the market, so keep an eye out this Fall for “Smiley” shakes. Not to worry Atkins fanatics, the low carb “Smirk” shakes should be ready by Spring 2005.

Why would anyone want to leave paradise? Originally, we had planned to stay for an hour or two, which turned into four, and then into two days. The running joke on the beach is “So, you’re leaving tomorrow?” Vacationers beware! It is the black-hole-twilight-zone episode never aired (because the director is still on the island 50 years later living off pineapple juice and pad thai).

Wayne is from England, and has dedicated the last four weeks of his tour to Bottle Beach and learning to juggle fire. Lucy is from Ireland and is probably still at the Smile Resort finishing a cigarette. Jason is 39 years old and retired. When I left the island he had been there for six months. He plans on staying up until hurricane season when the resort closes for three months. He was in the middle of reading The Beach, no kidding, but was taking his sweet time with that since he would be there for another few months. It’s possible that book will last through his entire nine month stay at the Smile Resort.

In The Beach by the main character points out that there are “travelers” who are on an adventure, and “vacationers” who are on holiday. On Bottle Beach the travelers rule, but there are option for other people, like “tourists”.

Tourists take tours. They come to Bottle Beach on Ko Phangan daily operations like the Regge cruise that survey the sights. For an hour they are allowed to lie on the beach before they’re shepherded back to the boat for the departure to the snorkeling location. I hear they let you jump off the boat if you have the courage. When you only have two weeks off for vacation, a day for Bottle Beach is all you can afford in reality. But travelers have the luxury, impatience, stupidity, unemployment, youth, time, or inspiration to allow Bottle Beach to absorb them.

n Thailand I saw three types of foreigners: Israelis fresh from the army on their year of travel (menus were in Thai, English and Hebrew); people on short term vacations and business trips like the International AIDS Conference who had signed up for bus tours with their Gameboy-addicted kids; then the grimy travelers living from an EMS backpack. One set of 18 year olds I met on Ko Samui were three quarters through a year of traveling. They took a semester off of college to work 3 jobs each, applied for a 15 month student working visa in New Zealand, and were spending their triple jobs’ savings in Asia. When those funds run out, they said, they would finish their voyage off in New Zealand and pay for the hostel with a part time job. This sounds so romantic, going away for a year, maybe buying a VW, driving it across Asia and living in it for 5 months before selling it, because you can’t drive to an island. Who in their right mind would do that??? The British.

In the United States, travel has become an industry, a break from the rat race, and only a 14-day Sabbath from the 48 weeks of work. Ironically, the escape from the rat race only offers rat race versions of holiday: Bus tours, guided museums, sights to see but not enough time to see them all. So tourists have found the most efficient vacations to take in as much as possible.

Aspirations to spend life “seeing the world” and be a great explorer like the 15th century cartographers are nonexistent. There is no such thing as a PhD in voyaging, and travelers are practically an endangered species. The romantic ambition to see the world is about as realistic as inventing the next great piece of technology in a garage, or finding the cure for AIDS in the back of the fridge.

But -- Thailand still exists even if less people are taking less time to look at it. If you're ever in the area, I urge you to venture out, and be a traveler for a day or two.

by Roz Plotzker

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